New Woodburn Community School

by 
Victor Rip (special to NWCS)

10. This should encourage The Monongalia County Commission (current captor of Morgantown and WVU) to accurately rename itself as: The Cabal of Urban Sprawl.

9. The Monongalia County Commission could then vote to build a wall around Morgantown to keep the city folks out, but upon realizing that the insane borders zigzag seemingly forever and that no one else will pay for it, the miserly Commission would be forced to build a wall so short that people would hop right over it … on their way to and from Pennsylvania.

8. The trigger-happy Republicans in the West Virginia state government pushing guns onto West Virginia college campuses would be stopped cold, thus preventing faculty and student flight, outrageous expense, and deadly danger.

7. The roads would actually be well paved, unlike the awful “country roads” long celebrated but also long abandoned and destroyed by West Virginia and the One Percent which has the state by the throat, making it look like there is no real pride at all in the country roads of West Virginia.

6. The schools would no longer be nationally ranked in the cellar: only those in the “old country” would be.

5. The Monongalia County Commission, aka, The Cabal of Urban Sprawl, might at long last see that it needs to do what the adults do in Morgantown and WVU, that is, fund and oversee substantial library, park, wifi, and road systems, etc and so on (professional police, professional fire department, curbside recycling…) for the people.

4. The Cabal of Urban Sprawl would be forced to create and operate its own Utility Board to complain about and run into the ground however it sees fit.

3. WVU, in becoming the new AMU, Allegheny Mountain University, could get rid of its trigger-happy gun-blasting Mountaineer mascot for a more meaningful one, such as the Wood Bison, a great beast bigger than even the Plains Bison, the last few killed in West Virginia almost two centuries ago, blasted by guns.

2. With the population continuing to decline in West Virginia, choked by One Percent rule, and its lands pillaged so as to be increasingly uninhabitable, Morgantown and WVU might as well get the hell out too.

1. To change all the slogans: from “Wild and Wonderful West Virginia!” to “No Longer Warped and Wacked-Out-Of-Our-White-Supremacist-Minds West Virginia!” / from “Wherever you may be, it’s a great day to be a Mountaineer” to “Wood Bison Forever! Remember! Forever!” / from “Coal is West Virginia!” to “Theft was West Virginia!” / from “Country Roads Take Me Home!” to “County Roads Wrecked Me Out!” / from “Mountain Mama!” to “Blasted Mama!”

7-11 is not heaven, West Virginia. Big business, including the pimps of corporate media, and their lackeys in the state government, continue to ruin the mountain state, profiteering and pillaging all the way, till the end. Surely things are long past the point of striking over. It’s time to secede from the state, Morgantown and WVU. This Top Ten is merely the tip of the blown up mountains of reasons to go, move forward, progress as a new land, in a new day.

(Don’t worry, ancient white-blood WV, Morgantown and WVU have some doozies you can keep. You’re welcome to them.)